Thanks for reminding me that not everyone thinks my neurosis is just wrong.
Judy, I am really glad you said something. I appreciate the third party aspect a lot. I am also flattered that you read...
Michelle, you're right. I don't want friends that can't handle the truth.
Liz, I guess it doesn't bother me that someone says, "I'm sorry." It is HOW it is said that bugs me. Some people just have a way that is so diminutive. That bugs me immeasurably. This particular incident was bad. It was like I was instantly subhuman because I subjected the person to my reality.
And, about my husband being awesome... I cannot ever explain to you how awesome he really is. He is the first person (other than my son) that I *know* loves me just for me. He chooses to spend his life with me despite my quirks. Some in my family do love me, but I always wonder if they love me just cus I am family, ya know? I don't wonder that with Tom. Before I knew him I was a weak and meek person. He didn't change me, but he made me safe enough to dig out of the trenches and look at my life. The gift he has given me is life-changing.
okay, I had to catch up here...I have been out of the loop...fortunately, you made it easy as the posts were all right there! Anyway..I am WITH you! Christmas in my house was just another day for my step-mom to remind us all of how much she "had" to do "for" us. And decorating the tree was always more stressful than fun. And visiting with family (her family) was always forced (not to mention the fact that her grandfather HAD to be a child molester). I could not see my "real" family and I hated it! "effing hated it!" Christmas does not bring back fond memories for me, either and it SUCKS when you have to pretend that it is the "happiest time of the year" while you are guilted into doing anything other than lowering the blinds and sleeping from Christmas to New Years! But you are not alone...the fact that you feel alone means that, as an adult, you have made friends with "healthier" pasts...or people that are just sugar coating their own story for their own mental sanity.
ReplyDeleteOn one hand, I feel blessed to be surrounded by people who love holidays because of strong family memories.
But I also want to kill them. Slowly.
And I hate people that give you the demeaning "I'm Sorry". Give. Me. A. Break. It is in the tone. That, "I live in America and I can hardly believe that not everyone has beautiful magical holidays". Don't get me started on the abuse and hunger brought on specifically by the holiday stress...
Well, now that I have used your comment box to write my own story....go make some of those holiday memories that your son will treasure later in his life!!!
Aw Morgan that is so sweet. Tom really is a good guy. You can see it in his eyes and that great boyish smile. I feel so warm and fuzzy right now... sniff. I'm glad he brought you out of your shell because I sure can't imagine you in one!
ReplyDeletei'm swimming in warm fuzzies, too. i want to hug you! but in real life, i'm not really a touchy-feely person...so...
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the love you have for him. Love it. Love that it's clearly reciprocated. That, Morgan, will get you through anything.
ReplyDeleteGood for you. Keep on being the person you are, because obviously you are bright, articulate, and quite interesting. And lots of us like reading about it!