Recent Conversation with My Hubby...

Just had to share this:

Binks: Honey, do you like Boxers or the Boxer Briefs Better?

Tom: Depends.

Binks: You're not THAT old!!!

When do I get my big girl panties?

When does my life stop being about my father? I cannot go a day, hell an hour, without thinking of some dad reference. I get better, sometimes. Then it all comes back. The most bizarre shit sends me spinning out-of-control into an abyss of emotion.

I have figured out that I want nothing to do with the man.

I have figured out that the shit he did to me, my brother, my mother and my son was fucked up.

I have figured out that it wasn't/isn't my fault.

So why does this still torment me so much? I want so badly to live in *this* moment. My life is amazing. I have the coolest kiddo you could ever ask for, the most amazing lover/friend that I could ever ask for, a few really great friends, and a few animals to snuggle with. I have figured out that I like being a wife & mother. However, I have not been able to *be* those things for a while. My mind is so not anywhere near right now, most of the time. I spend my days trying to distract myself but not achieving anything. None of that is his fault, that's all me. It's just all wrapped up together though.

I want to let go of him completely, but I don't know how. I just don't know how to function anymore.

Any thoughts? (other than medicating me into a coma - my doctor is already trying that)